And now, it's time to honor the men (and sometimes women, but right now just the men) of history who have made great acheivements with their facial hair (Sorry Rachel, no Russell in this list!). Thanks to Candlewickmelissa for the idea!

Alright, let's see if you can handle this:

1. Gary Oldman – Occupation: Extremely Badass Actor (E.B.A.).

Why his moustache is awesome: He’s GARY FREAKING OLDMAN. How is he not awesome?! His moustache can bring him back from the dead! He’s THAT magical! Sirius is not dead, his 'stache is too great for death! Proving that once and for all, the key to an everlasting life is to have Gary Oldman's 'stache.

2. Jesus – Occupation: Next in line for the ruler of the heavens.

Why his moustache is awesome: It can save your soul. Yes, it’s that pure. It’s Christ-tastic! Do you really think Jesus could have his own musical and his own hit song (Rock Me Sexy Jesus) from his powers alone? No, it was the moustache (which smells of peppermint, the way a moustache should smell).

3. Santa– Occupation: A man who looks suspiciously like my father and gives out free gifts while riding on his flying pimp-mobile.

Why his moustache is awesome:
It radiates jolliness and Christmas cheer. You feel happy just looking at it. And if you stare too long you start to crave Coca Cola and candy canes. Just go Google Image it and see if I'm wrong.

4. Geraldo Rivera – Occupation: “Reporter” (and I use the term lightly).

Why his moustache is awesome:
It’s so perfect and well manicured! Not a single nose hair out of place. This doesn't make up for the fact that he's an awful reporter, but damn him, the 'stache is flawless. Like my big bank heist plan. Flawless.

5. Dave Grohl – Occupation: Rock Jesus.

Why his moustache his awesome:
Who doesn’t want to go up and comb it and thank him for all the pure rock that radiates from his face? Let’s face it, we all do. I’d like to comb his hair as well. But that can wait for the next installment, "Fabulous Hair Of A Male Rockstar". I don't think he'll make it on there though. Miley Cyrus' hair is just too shiny and coated in wax to not be on the list.

6. Earl Hickey – Occupation: Fictional character.

Why his moustache is awesome:
His whole karma trip was actually already complete with the moustache. It’s chock full of karma and what I assume is fried chicken grease.

7. Freddie Mercury – Occupation: Deceased Rock God (thus DG is Jesus)

Why his moustache is awesome:
Could you really have Queen without the moustache? No you can not. The moustache became a symbol for gay men around the world, and their once bare lips soon showed that they were here, they were queer, get used to it. Shaving the 'stache means killing the male fantasy of gay men everywhere. You may as well exclude Freddie from Queen if you shave the moustache.

8.Salvador Dalí – Occupation: Painter.

Why his moustache is awesome:
It redefined the classic curling moustache. It curls perfectly and gave him a permanently surprised look, as if to say “What do you mean, the father of your child?”

9.Chuck Norris – Occupation: Subject of the Chuck Norris jokes... And I hear, back before the Earth's crust cooled, he was an actor. But those records were lost on the Titanic.

Why his moustache is awesome:
It’s CHUCK NORRIS. Well all know if you shaved his beard, there’d just be another fist, but WHY would you want to shave his beard? It’s the epitome of manliness and hides the fact that he’s gotten very old and saggy underneath.

10. John Wilkes Booth – Occupation: Deceased Lincoln killer.

Why his moustache is awesome:
Can you really twirl it between your thumb and forefinger and create the perfect evil laugh without it? He is finally justified when, as he was trapped in the barn, onlookers heard him cry “It was the moustache! The moustache!”

11. Burt Reynolds – Occupation: Kind of Badass Actor (KBA).

Why his moustache is awesome:
It kept his upper lip warm throughout the 70’s, but contracted numerous STD’s, all of which seemed to be herpes of the upper lip.

12. Tom Selleck – Occupation: KBA.

Why his moustache is awesome:
Because of a horrific accident, Tom Selleck’s brain had to be moved to above his upper lip, and to hide the horrendous scar, he grew the ‘stache. The moustache was actually the one that solved all the crimes. Moustache: PI. And nothing screams "I have some candy and video games in my car. You can have them if you come with me..." like his 'stache.

13. Ron Burgundy - Occupation: Real reporter (unlike Geraldo Rivera)

Why his moustache is awesome:
He doesn't even need Sex Panther to seduce all the ladies. All he needs is his own's moustache's glorious smell and BAM. A new frangrance is born: Burgundy Delight.